Collaboration's Growing Necessity
Collaboration is more essential than ever in our interconnected world, yet increasingly difficult due to polarization and complexity.
We must work with others, including those we don’t agree with or trust.
Collaborating with the Enemy - A Deep Dive into Stretch Collaboration
About 1815 wordsAbout 6 min
CollaborationConflict ResolutionStretch CollaborationBook Review
2025-05-02
"Collaboration seems both imperative and impossible. What do we do?"
As I dove into Adam Kahane's Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust, I was struck by the raw honesty of its premise. In a world brimming with polarization and mistrust, Kahane challenges us to rethink collaboration—not as a cozy, harmonious endeavor, but as a gritty, often uncomfortable necessity. This isn’t just a book; it’s a roadmap for navigating the messy reality of working with those we’d rather avoid. Drawing from decades of experience in conflict zones and boardrooms alike, Kahane introduces "stretch collaboration," a paradigm shift that abandons control for flexibility, certainty for experimentation, and detachment for deep engagement. Let’s unpack this transformative read.
Beyond Collaboration
Collaboration isn’t the only path. Alternatives like forcing, adapting, or exiting can sometimes be more strategic.
Collaboration is a choice, not an obligation.
Obsolete Conventional Models
Traditional collaboration, rooted in control and a single "right" answer, fails in complex, contentious situations.
Conventional collaboration is becoming obsolete.
Stretch Collaboration Emerges
Stretch collaboration embraces discomfort, flexibility, and experimentation to address complex challenges.
Stretch beyond control to engage with conflict and possibility.
Embrace Conflict and Connection
The first stretch balances power and love, asserting perspectives while building connections amidst disagreement.
Fight as well as talk to move forward.
Experiment a Way Forward
The second stretch involves trial and error, influencing the future without controlling it.
Cross the river by feeling for stones.
Step into the Game
The third stretch demands full participation, recognizing our role in the problem to be part of the solution.
If you’re not part of the problem, you can’t be part of the solution.
Collaboration's Growing Necessity
The Challenge of Our Times
In an era where global interconnectedness binds us tighter than ever, collaboration isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a must. Yet, as Kahane poignantly illustrates, the very diversity and complexity that necessitate collaboration also make it harder. From political divides to workplace tensions, we’re often forced to work with people whose values clash with ours, whom we neither like nor trust. Kahane labels this dynamic "enemyfying," a syndrome where we turn others into adversaries, shrinking the space for creativity and problem-solving.
Key Insight with Visual Impact
Consider the scale of this challenge: societal polarization has surged, with trust in institutions plummeting. While exact figures vary, Kahane’s experiences—from South Africa’s apartheid transition to Colombia’s civil war—highlight a recurring theme: collaboration is most needed when it feels most impossible.
Golden Nugget
We must work with others, including those we don’t agree with or trust, to make progress on critical issues.
Why It Matters
This module resonates because it mirrors our daily struggles—whether negotiating with a difficult colleague or bridging ideological gaps in community projects. Kahane’s storytelling, grounded in real-world conflicts, underscores that avoiding collaboration isn’t an option if we want systemic change. It’s a wake-up call to face the discomfort head-on.
Beyond Collaboration
Choosing the Right Path
Kahane challenges the assumption that collaboration is always the answer. Drawing from his global experiences, like the Mont Fleur Scenario Exercise in South Africa, he outlines four strategic responses to problematic situations: collaborating, forcing, adapting, or exiting. Each has its place, depending on context. For instance, in Venezuela, some stakeholders opted out of collaboration to pursue unilateral power, while others adapted to survive the status quo.
Visualizing the Options
Strategic Responses to Challenges
Golden Nugget
Collaboration is a choice, not an obligation, and must be weighed against other viable strategies.
Strategic Decision-Making
This perspective is liberating. It frees us from the guilt of not always “playing nice” and empowers us to assess situations pragmatically. Kahane’s Thai case study, where leaders debated between adapting, forcing, or collaborating, shows that opting out of collaboration can be a valid strategy when trust or resources are lacking. It’s about intentionality—choosing the path that aligns with our goals and realities.
Obsolete Conventional Models
The Fall of Control-Based Collaboration
Conventional collaboration, with its rigid focus on control and a singular “right” answer, is crumbling under the weight of today’s complex challenges. Kahane recounts failed attempts, like a hospital CEO’s transformation project, where top-down planning ignored diverse perspectives, leading to resistance and failure. This model assumes harmony and predictability—illusions in a world of volatility and conflict.
Visualizing the Disconnect
Conventional Collaboration Limitations
Golden Nugget
Conventional collaboration is becoming obsolete in the face of complex, uncontrolled situations.
A Call for Evolution
This critique hits hard. How many times have we clung to outdated collaborative frameworks, hoping for consensus that never comes? Kahane’s insight forces us to question our defaults and recognize that pushing for control often amplifies “enemyfying,” making situations worse. It’s a compelling argument for evolving how we work together.
Stretch Collaboration Emerges
A New Way Forward
Enter stretch collaboration—a bold, unconventional approach that thrives on discomfort and flexibility. Kahane’s Destino Colombia project, where military officers, guerrillas, and civilians crafted future scenarios without forced agreement, exemplifies this. It’s about abandoning control, embracing multiple truths, and moving forward despite discord. This model is essential for tackling multifaceted issues where no single solution exists.
Timeline of Stretch Collaboration Impact
Destino Colombia Initiative
A pivotal project begins, bringing together conflicting factions to envision alternative futures for peace in Colombia.
1996
Peace Treaty Milestone
Juan Manuel Santos negotiates a peace treaty with FARC, earning the Nobel Peace Prize, partly inspired by earlier collaborative efforts.
2016
Golden Nugget
Stretch beyond control to engage with conflict and possibility, creating space for innovative solutions.
Relevance to Today
Stretch collaboration feels like the antidote to our current stalemates. Whether in politics or personal projects, Kahane’s framework offers hope that progress is possible even with “enemies.” His emphasis on real-world impact, like contributing to Colombia’s peace process, makes this not just theory but a lived reality worth adopting.
Embrace Conflict and Connection
Balancing Power and Love
The first stretch of collaboration demands we embrace both conflict and connection, rejecting the notion that harmony is the goal. Kahane’s Guatemala project, where stories of war atrocities forged unexpected bonds, shows how asserting perspectives (power) alongside empathetic engagement (love) can transform relationships. It’s a dance between fighting and talking, ensuring neither side overwhelms the other.
Visualizing the Duality
- Asserting with Power
Recognize and voice your perspective, even if it sparks conflict.
- Engaging with Love
Build connections by listening and empathizing with others’ truths.
- Alternating Drives
Switch between power and love to maintain balance and avoid extremes.
- Sustaining Progress
Use this duality to deepen relationships and drive collaborative outcomes.
Golden Nugget
Fight as well as talk to move forward, balancing power and love in every interaction.
Practical Takeaway
This stretch is a game-changer. It validates the messiness of disagreement while offering a way to harness it constructively. Kahane’s personal reflections, like his debate with David Suzuki, reveal how even seasoned collaborators must continually balance these drives. For us, it’s a reminder that conflict isn’t the enemy—ignoring it is.
Experiment a Way Forward
Navigating Uncertainty
The second stretch pivots from rigid planning to experimentation. Kahane’s work on drug policy reform with the Organization of American States demonstrates this—stakeholders didn’t agree on solutions but crafted scenarios of possibility through trial and error. Inspired by Deng Xiaoping’s metaphor, “crossing the river by feeling for stones,” this approach embraces uncertainty as a creative force, influencing outcomes without controlling them.
Visualizing Experimentation
Experimentation Impact
Golden Nugget
Cross the river by feeling for stones, taking adaptive steps amidst uncertainty to uncover new paths.
Why It Resonates
This module speaks to the innovator in us all. How often do we stall, waiting for the “perfect” plan? Kahane’s narrative, backed by real policy shifts in the Americas, shows that small, iterative actions can unstuck even the most entrenched issues. It’s an invitation to act now, learn fast, and pivot as needed—a mindset shift I’m eager to apply.
Step into the Game
Full Participation
The third and most daunting stretch is stepping fully into the game. Kahane insists that blaming others—“they need to change”—is a dead end. True collaboration means recognizing our role in the problem, as seen in projects like the Bhavishya Alliance in India, where stakeholders tackled child undernutrition by owning their contributions to the issue. It’s about being a “pig” (fully committed) rather than a “chicken” (merely involved).
Visualizing Commitment
Commitment Levels
Golden Nugget
If you’re not part of the problem, you can’t be part of the solution—step in and own your role.
Personal Reflection
This stretch is both terrifying and exhilarating. Kahane’s call to vulnerability—acknowledging how we perpetuate issues—mirrors personal growth principles. It’s not about fixing others but transforming ourselves within the system. This mindset, applied to any conflict, could redefine how we engage, making us active agents of change rather than passive critics.